Are You in an Unknown Middle?

Are you in the center of an unknown space? If you’re in a season where you are out of routine and the landscape is completely open what is your first response? A free-spirited soul might step out into the newness and begin exploring with eyes awonder. Another who had spent a season of hardship and struggle might leeringly pause on the doorstep to size up the surroundings before leaving the safety within. Most of us are probably in the middle of these extremes. We open the door after a quick glace out of the window. We might step out onto the stoop and glance around for something of interest and then head off to explore at a careful pace aware that we might need to find shelter quickly. Taking a look back in time might help us understand why we respond the way we do.

My mother saved some of my early school papers. Report cards with old-timey writings at each quarter. To read about my younger days and learn how others perceived me was eye-opening. My earliest report spoke of a confident youngster eager to share and learn well. Another spoke of me talking too much in class. Who me? But as I went through these decades-old reports I recalled seasons when life was simpler. When playgrounds were free of danger. Where children just ran and explored. Life was carefree. A place where others were responsible for my safety.

The few high school reports later spoke of a different season. An average student. A reminder of long years of study, a yearning to do better, and a desire to ‘fit in’. A longing to relax and speak at ease with others at school the way some had learned to do.

The last report I had was from my senior year. Three classes. English, Gym, and Art. The only year I got straight A’s. The year of buying my first car, getting an after-school job, and starting out on my own personal journey. A season where I had to find my way in a world bigger than my peers were experiencing. A time when I got to decide where I was going and who’d I spend time with. So many awesome adventures and so many mistakes. The hardest memories are of those decisions that hurt others.

I now jump to pondering my current status as a survivor of many tempest-type seasons. Of learning to relax and just be me. Sometimes I’m exactly the friend someone needs, but often I’m not, and that’s okay too. Some choose a lifetime connection, and others are just a note on my quarterly report-card. 

The teenage years absolutely teach us many truths. You can’t trust everyone, even yourself. You will be graded. You don’t always pass the class. And although your deepest desire is to fit in; you are unique and designed to add flavor to the whole. Even a mild seasoning adds value. And some ingredients are added only at the very end.

These lessons learned, color how we see the world and some connections are imprinted on the fabric of our souls. The time for carefree exploration isn’t what it used to be. In a recognition of that limitation, I must use the wisdom I’ve accumulated. Am I satisfied with where I am or do I require something more?

Spiritually speaking, the next answer will determine how I’m to live and what this last season’s focus will be for me. And as I find myself in the unknown middle of here and there with so many open doors, the question is: Where am I headed? And what comes next?

I’ve come full-circle and I’m much more confident than my teenage self. I may still talk a little too much, but I now I get to report how I’m doing. And there should be no surprises as to ‘what comes next’ as my final report will be written by me.  

Food for thought.

Be blessed and remember to be a blessing.

~Debbie G 

Reflections: Ecclesiastes 12:13-14, Psalms of David (Psalm 23), John 3, 

#seasonsoflife #Contemplation #whatsnext #spiritualdirection